Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
high people should be assigned attendants
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize