i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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