just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
