Can Purell be used as lube?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize