My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
