it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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