so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
