this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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