i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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