the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
