Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
