i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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