if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
