apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
