u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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