ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
