im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
