do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
