Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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