So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As shirtless as possible
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
