just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
