First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize