when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
