JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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