Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
