She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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