Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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