Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
