'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
