that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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