So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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