A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
