Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
