the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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