im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
