I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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