when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
