Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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