Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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