Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
