Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
