hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
