I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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