nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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