I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
