I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
