its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize