U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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