and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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