R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
