YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
