Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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