Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
