if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
