My pussy is not your playground.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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