he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
