Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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