We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
