I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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