I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
