Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
