I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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