I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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