Sponge bath it is.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
