So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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