I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
