Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
