I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want a musical about memes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
