don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
