I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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