Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's never too late to be topless.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
