like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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