Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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