Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
