meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
