i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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