I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
