ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
