just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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