this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was CRYING into my vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
