We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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