i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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