just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
