Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
