when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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