ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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