My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
