I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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