Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
