at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
