Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
