Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
