My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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