I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
