you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
