fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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