On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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