Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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