Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
