the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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