Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't deserve a penis
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Shame is for Republicans.
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